Little girls & Nutters in love

Our little girl, fast asleep like an angel. I feel almost schizophrenic saying this because just hours ago, she drove us nutters with her whining and antics.

We love to visit the bookstore. In my mind, it's all about picking a book together and finding a nice corner to snuggle and read it. Never mind that i have a little boy stuck to me, we'll work that out. Unfortunately, we never got past picking a book together because little miss grown-up always seem to choose the books suited for children twice her age. No way am i gonna read that! Today's selection was a hot pink Dork Diaries book which she stood at the display and thought for abit before selecting, like a big girl! I'm still keeping my hopes up on that little dream of mine so despite having to convince/coax/bribe her into putting that book back, a trip to Takashimaya is always accompanied with a drop in to Kinokuniya.

We often visit the nursing room when we are out and Taka's one is our favourite! It's super clean and the nice lady who takes care of the place also ensures that no guys come into the area and that the queue situation gets monitored. The difficult part is coaxing Shanah to come along with me to the nursing room. It's crazy and it often ends up with bribery. I know right. Actually these days, everything ends up with bribery.

I think in toddler language, no actually means yes and everything else actually means the opposite of how it sounds like. Or maybe they have a secret competition to see how many mommy/daddy buttons can they push a day and there's some high score board somewhere. I was fiddling with some gadgets and from the corner of my eye, i spotted S asking for it. Tired, i said no and she continued to ask.. until i heard a crash. Our little princess actually stood on the pram, leaned all the way back and crashed to the floor. The security label broke and so did my camel's back.

BUT BUT BUT. When i look at my babies asleep, i feel a huge sense of pride. I recall how S went on a non-stop storytelling fest for 15 minutes and counting at lunch. She told us about her day, how her teeth broke, how mommy flosses and she peppered 'so funny right' here and there in her story. I remembered the times where she obeyed all my instructions and repeated them in different scenarios. Most of all, i thought of the times where we snuggled and rolled in bed before the afternoon nap and how she talks herself to sleep, mostly pretending to be a teacher.

Then i feel all guilty about being upset with her and start reminiscing her babyhood days - how did she get so big and tall? Where did my baby go? Am i too strict with my baby?

Parenthood. They drive you mad.. madly in love with them.

P.s. Imagine how much MORE God loves you!

I Love You too

Dear Isaiah

You have always been the tracker between us. It was you who reminded me that 14 Feb 2014 marks our 8th Valentines together. And I'm rather sure that you remember where we went for our first date, what we ate and what we did. One would think that the girl remembers such things, but no, you have always been the one who remembers.

Between us, you have always been the one who's sweeter, more loving and more accommodating. It was like this when we were dating - you put up with my whines and complaints. And it is the same today - you put up with my silly clean freak requests even when you see no sense in it (psst.. sometimes i don't see sense in it either). You have such a big heart - you love my family just like your own because you know what matters most to me.

Sometimes i look back at our wedding pictures and i'll feel so blissed out. It's nothing short of a miracle that God has placed you in my life. Being together with you has taught me so much about love, God's love. The closer we come together, the more I'm aware of how much God loves us. I remember telling myself some time back, if this is what love feels like, I can't imagine how great God's love is.

To say that many things have changed since we walked down that pathway where we first held hands, or since we walked down the aisle, would be a major understatement. We are no longer young undergrads or newly weds. The pressures of work and family do weigh us down quite a bit and sadly, there are times that i rather spend time with the computer (like now) rather than with you. Not because we are upset, but because we don't get much time to do what we want. But i'm so glad that i have such a grand supporter in you. Every idea that i throw up gets supported - you are always there to add on your thoughts and to spur me on. Every time i need a listening ear to complain about how lousy i feel about my under-used degree, you are there to listen. When i need a foot massage, you gladly oblige despite your tired self.

I don't say it often enough, and i really should.. but thank you darling for loving me despite my many flaws. I know i'm full of them, but thank you for explaining time and time again that God loves me despite them and you love me too.

I'm so so glad that I have you to walk this life with me. I'm so so thankful that Shanah & Noah have you as their daddy. And i'm so so in love you with you - just because of who you are.

I know we said no gifts this year, but we each ended up with a gift for each other. I really like it this way. Almost like a surprise surprise. Thank you for the flowers. I really thought that the flower giving thing would have ended after the last ants infested bouquet. But you being you... well, i shall just dwell in the love.

Happy Valentines my darling. I'm so glad i have you to grow old with. It's always better when we are together.

I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart come together eventually. 

And when you're standin' here in front of me

That's when I know that God does exist

'Cause He will have answered every single prayer

Hello 2014!

Hello 2014!

I just received wonderful news about a result we have been waiting for for some time. And that's such a great relief. Please, everyone, heave a big sigh of relief on our behalf. That's how happy we are.

Sometimes we make such a big deal about how much control we have in our life. We want to make choices, we fight for our rights and we demand for things we do not have. Not that it is always wrong to demand and that we should just go with the flow with everything, but first and foremost, we need to be very certain who is the giver of life in the first place. The one who created the universe, who understands the deep physics of it all and yet loves us enough to send His son to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus died so that you and I can have a chance, a chance to be in heaven and a chance to experience heaven on earth.

I'm just thinking about how fragile life is. What an oxymoron as to how this post started out. I'm typing this post because I want to document how glad I am with the results, yet at the same time, i feel like i'm holding on to shreds of happiness. Why shreds? Because I'm beginning to understand that the fragility of life is like a weak twig - a phone call, a bad fall, an unexpected lump... and everything you think was perfect falls apart.

As depressing as that thought is, I personally find it kinda empowering and releasing. Finally, I'm beginning to understand that as much as i can make choices for my life.. it is the God that holds my tomorrow that hold me in His bosom to protect and nurture. It is the same God that will watch me and my family. The God that loves me more than I can imagine.

Isaiah once asked if I was scared of dying. It was a no-brainer. I was. Alittle terrified to be honest. Afraid to make my dear ones sad, afraid to not see the little ones grow up and experience life with them and afraid of what's gonna happen after and if I really have a place in heaven (now we know that we do if we believe but i'm gonna be honest and say yes). I used to think that I'm young, healthy and fit. These days though, i find myself praying that God grant me the honour to grow old, to enjoy old age together with Isaiah and my family. My treasure is turning into happy times with my loved ones. I'm beginning to see long days on earth as a blessing from God.

I have no idea how to end this post. I'm still deliriously happy about the results and I'm still the old human me, filled with fears. But i know God is faithful and righteous and He holds our life in His palms. My prayer for you and I is to live this one life with no regrets, to be brave enough to do the right things that matter and make a difference where ever you are. It's only the beginning of 2014, it's not too late to start it right. Our prayers are with you!

Ascribe Greatness to our God the rock
His work is perfect
And all His ways are just 

A God of faithfulness
Without injustice 
Good and upright is He