Tenderhearted

Sometime ago, the little girl went on an excursion and that left the littlest boy with me and a whole day to ourselves. There was no fetching, no rushing around, just the house with all its toys and books.

The day went on as usual until somewhere around the time where we were supposed to fetch his sister.

'Where's JieJie? I want her to come home', he blinked at me innocently.

'She's not coming back today, her teachers brought her out.'

With that, he went about his usual business, pottering around the house, pushing his Thomas train around and pulling books out of the shelves. I thought he was pleased with having mummy all to himself. I myself was rather glad that I managed to pull off some learning with just us - most of our home learning are simplified lessons from his sister's. We also played with trains, read some books and picked up ALOT of toys. Total mummy time!

Recently, I conceded to a friend that there really is no fairness when it comes to having more than one child; in the sense that there is no way of making up for the years of undivided attention that #1 gets for.. well, being #1. With that, I decided that fairness was not as important as observing each child and giving them what they actually need based on their character and temperament (bearing that we have fulfilled their physical needs).

Anyway, back to my littlest boy. Not long after, he began to look aimless and started rolling around the floor, a sign of boredom. I should give him credit for trying to pick himself up, because after that, he attempted different activities, but most of them with one arm supporting his head, much like a bored youngster in class.

And it dawned upon me. Momma isn't as fun as his sister! This little boy missed his sister. The one who orders him around, who tells on him (I confess that I use this trait as a method on keeping tabs on him too) and who squabbles with him on a daily basis. Perhaps these things aren't as significant as the times where they squeal around the house playing tag, or cook up a storm in their kitchen, or pretend to wash the clothes and make a mighty mess of the toilet. Or maybe it is both the fun and the fights that make everything, well, more fun.

I think it's both. I think it's the fact that they have a companion in each other. Never mind that not long ago, one couldn't speak much and the other just started speaking in full sentences. Never mind that they don't always play with each other as much as they do alongside each other. And never mind the fact that often times, they both fight for the same toy and end up being punished with no toys at all. It's just having each other that matters, and they got it right at their very young age.

The two of them always amaze me. Not only by the mess they can garner, or the speed at which they can pull out their toys and books. But mostly, by how tender and soft they are. Their hearts are so ready to give and receive, without fearing that there's not enough left for them. Children are really special, and there's so much to learn from them. I can't wait to see how they interact with the new baby :)

Siblings - mostly love

I love this photo because it shows how the two little cheeky monsters are playing with each other first thing in the morning. Neither of them are really engaging the other party but in their own ways and their own baby language they are playing along side and sharing.. Noah looks on at what Shanah is playing with and gets intrigued, demanding to eat whatever jiejie is doing. Shanah peppers on in her own ways and occasionally goes, 'Noah, see this? For you!'

Ah, such young tender love.

For awhile. Hahah.

Mostly we have Shanah, the prefect, coming to me saying, 'Mummy, see Noah put this in his mouth' or 'Mummy, Noah snatch my toys'.

When Noah was first born, we introduced him as 'Noah Didi Boy' to Shanah and the name kinda stuck for a couple of months. It was really cute watching her proudly introduce her brother like that. I knew the moment wouldn't last for long and true enough, it ended after i proudly told my friends how cute she sounded and she caught on and learnt quickly that that ain't her brother's real name. These days she refuses to call him didi and prefers to address him as Noah.

They fight (the boy screams when you take the toy he's playing with) and bicker all day but when you try to take Noah away from his sister, she screams in protest. Not the i-know-you-are-kidding scream but the real deal. She refuses to be apart from him and from a young age she understood that her brother is here to stay. A couple of weekends ago I told Shanah that we were gonna have a mother-daughter thing and watch a ballet together, just us. I thought it was a great idea and she would be thrilled (i certainly was!) ... well, let's just say i was disappointed. Her first response was, 'where will Daddy and Noah be? I want to be with them' BAH! All these spend time with individual child nonsense. Ok, i take that back. I think it works well for older children, whom you have real conversations with. Perhaps i'll try again in 6 months.

Noah adores his sister. When he was still an infant, his gaze would follow after her. Today, the first thing he does each morning (after giving me a heartbreaker smile that is) is to look for his jiejie and climb all over her. He goes when she goes, in the room, out of the room, in the kitchen, out of the kitchen. He wants to play whatever she plays and do whatever she does. Which makes home learning alittle tricky with a 10-month-old trying to eat stickers and play with paint/scissors (yikes!).

And have i mentioned that they sleep in synchrony too? Isn't it amazing how God created siblings to be similar in the cutest ways? Like how they turn when they sleep and how angelic they both look - same same but different.

If anything, these little ones have been teaching mean what love means - doesn't mean its perfect all the time, but it's the real deal - raw and real, unafraid to fail and love again.

Little girls & Nutters in love

Our little girl, fast asleep like an angel. I feel almost schizophrenic saying this because just hours ago, she drove us nutters with her whining and antics.

We love to visit the bookstore. In my mind, it's all about picking a book together and finding a nice corner to snuggle and read it. Never mind that i have a little boy stuck to me, we'll work that out. Unfortunately, we never got past picking a book together because little miss grown-up always seem to choose the books suited for children twice her age. No way am i gonna read that! Today's selection was a hot pink Dork Diaries book which she stood at the display and thought for abit before selecting, like a big girl! I'm still keeping my hopes up on that little dream of mine so despite having to convince/coax/bribe her into putting that book back, a trip to Takashimaya is always accompanied with a drop in to Kinokuniya.

We often visit the nursing room when we are out and Taka's one is our favourite! It's super clean and the nice lady who takes care of the place also ensures that no guys come into the area and that the queue situation gets monitored. The difficult part is coaxing Shanah to come along with me to the nursing room. It's crazy and it often ends up with bribery. I know right. Actually these days, everything ends up with bribery.

I think in toddler language, no actually means yes and everything else actually means the opposite of how it sounds like. Or maybe they have a secret competition to see how many mommy/daddy buttons can they push a day and there's some high score board somewhere. I was fiddling with some gadgets and from the corner of my eye, i spotted S asking for it. Tired, i said no and she continued to ask.. until i heard a crash. Our little princess actually stood on the pram, leaned all the way back and crashed to the floor. The security label broke and so did my camel's back.

BUT BUT BUT. When i look at my babies asleep, i feel a huge sense of pride. I recall how S went on a non-stop storytelling fest for 15 minutes and counting at lunch. She told us about her day, how her teeth broke, how mommy flosses and she peppered 'so funny right' here and there in her story. I remembered the times where she obeyed all my instructions and repeated them in different scenarios. Most of all, i thought of the times where we snuggled and rolled in bed before the afternoon nap and how she talks herself to sleep, mostly pretending to be a teacher.

Then i feel all guilty about being upset with her and start reminiscing her babyhood days - how did she get so big and tall? Where did my baby go? Am i too strict with my baby?

Parenthood. They drive you mad.. madly in love with them.

P.s. Imagine how much MORE God loves you!

I'll try harder always

I used to read about mothers who spent their days screaming at their kids and I wonder, seriously? These women must be really hot tempered.

When I say 'I used to', I mean a couple of months ago. In just a space of months, my little girl has grown into a toddler who constantly tests her limits, takes joy in going against my wishes and goes into tantrum mode, well, maybe a few times a day. To say that it's tiring would be an understatement. Recently I find myself talking exceptionally loudly to her more often than i would like. I really used to smile more. Little S has been going, 'Mummy, not angry anymore?' too often.

It has been tough, juggling between two kids who need my attention equally much. I wish I had more time to do some/more home learning with the little girl. She loves going through cards, reading together and most of all, to share a cuddle and a laugh. I wish I had more time to coo and play peek a boo with the small boy. I'm sure I spent more time with his sister at his age. '

*mom guilt overload*

I like to give myself plenty of space and reason so I've been telling myself that everything needs time to adjust blah blah blah. I decided today that I had enough of the reasons and it's time to pull up my socks and make use of every conceivable moment to thoroughly enjoy my time spent with them. Be it learning with little S or attempting to give more cuddles to the small boy who has taken a recent obsession for being held all day.

This means more smiles and less frowns. More cuddles and less hand smacking. And more importantly, more love and patience. More prayers too for all of the above.

It's a learning curve for me too, and I promise my dear ones, that I'll try harder always.

The sweetness of it all

I feel like superwoman.

No really, I really feel like supermom today. Between 10 diapers, 5 baths (not including mine), numerous clothes changes (again not including mine because who has time for that?), boogies, boo-boo kisses, story book reading, hugs, cuddles and meltdowns, I really feel quite super.

I'm learning this week to not dwell on the toughies and to take much joys in the highs. The little boy peed on himself/me/the bed? Naahh, it's just pee, it's alright. Shanah poo-ed into her newly changed diapers after her bathe? It's ok, just another diaper change.

Instead, I'm trying to dwell more on the sweetness of my children. The sweetness that comes with Shanah giving me a smile after popping up from her sleep in the morning, Noah smiling when i pick him up from bed, cuddles after bathe, reading together.. and even the diaper changes. Because one day, i know I'm gonna miss all of these.  Even the 1000 'Mummy what's this?' questions and even more so the pretend play, the baby negotiation, the cheeky smile when she asks for a jelly or Yakult and her going, 'Mummy are you happy now?' to check if I'm still upset at her.

I think too often I allow a single bad event of the day to dominate my feelings and emotions. I allow it to take control and then declare it a horrid day, hence allowing everything that follows through to be horrid. You know what? Horrid only makes more horrid.

Recently I overheard a mother using words like 'get lost' and 'go away' to her teenage daughter. Not judging, but I wouldn't want to be the one at the receiving end of such words. And I really hope I wouldn't do the same.

And then when it gets really tough, like during naptimes, I pray for sleep to come soon.. or the hubs to return home from work early as a surprise :)

 

Precious gifts

Counting our Blessings

I'm staring at the toys in Shanah's room and wondering to myself, how can such a little person accumulate so much stuff? When put together all these toys are bigger than her. Well actually, many things are bigger than us. Our bed for one, and thankfully the TV is wider than me, for now. But really, first there was a little baby in the tummy who had no earthly possession. And then both grandma bought her cute dresses to die for, grantaunt got her beautiful shoes, mama and papa when alittle mad with many other things and loads of people gave us so many toys and clothes.

Thank you everyone, we are truly blessed. By your love, your generosity, warmth and kind words. But most of all, thank you Lord for our precious little girl who never fails to brighten our day.

I'm able to sit in Shanah's room to nurse and reflect because the husband's out there in the warzone with the vacuum and the mop. He hates cleaning and anything related to it. But for me and my slightly clinical obsession with cleanliness, he is now rather well acquainted with the various brands of detergent and cleaning tools. And I know he does it because he loves me from deep deep down down.

They say staying home is tough. Aside from the 24 hour work schedule, it can get alittle lonely at times - and in these crazy moments I actually crave work. Mad I know. At least my sanity is kept in check by nice warm dinners by daddy and mummy who gives Shanah her evening bathes when we are over. I especially love it when Shanah squeals in delight when she sees them. Grandma love. Shanah's happy and I get to use both hands - one hand on my phone and the other on the tv remote. Awesome.

Come weekends, the little one gets her dose of laughter and cuddles from Nana and some baby-raction with her cousins. Daddy gets to finally do his favourite thing - drink his tea and sink in front of the telly.

In quiet moments like these, I pause, ponder and thank God for everyone and everything we have been blessed with. Sure, not every moment is poo-free, but we live for the highs and hold on tight at the lows.

Life could be better...or worse. But since we can't predict that, I'm gonna ride on the waves and enjoy this quiet moment with the little girl.

A swollen tiny finger

When Shanah was about 2 months old, she started reaching out and touching the toys on her mobile. We were thrilled and really excited. Gradually, it progressed to pulling the toy, putting it into her mouth and biting it. Today she fights with the dragonfly and threatens to pull off the butterfly from the mobile altogether.

Those little hands really grab just about anything that can be grabbed. And if I were to say no, it made the object even more enticing.

So as I was preparing to blend her lunch today, her chubby little hands reached out to touch the steamer. I said no sharply and pulled her away. Naturally, she wasted no time in attempting to touch the steamer again. Which resulted in a huge long wail. Those kind that tells you something is wrong and baby isn't faking it.

When I took a good look at Shanah's fingers alittle later after soothing and nursing her to sleep, they were red and swollen. Oh my poor baby. It must have hurt alot. I can deal with wails, punches and kicks for now. But I don't think I can deal with a swollen tiny finger just yet.  :(

5 things you can only do with babies

Christmas is almost here and we have this overwhelming urge to dive straight into the Christmas spirit and buy all the candy canes, honey ham, ribbons, shiny balls and anything Christmasy that we see. It's really such a lovely time of the year! There are days when i wake up moody and i'll remind myself it's Christmas - and the day does really get better.

There are so many things i wished i can do with Shanah this season. I wished we could bake christmas cookies, colour christmas pictures, create funky homemade decorations and decorate the tree. But all these have to wait till she's alittle older. Just before i wished she could grow up faster, i'm glad i caught myself and read this article.

I'm loving these things that i can do with our sweet sweet baby.

1) Chomp and bite her little hands and feet.
We can't get over how cute her little fingers and wrists are, especially when they wrap themselves around your thumb, my heart just melts. And the tiny tiny toes are absolutely perfect. They are so tiny and lovely and cute and reallly tiny.

2) Sing my hearts out
I'm embarrassed to sing in public. With Shanah, i sing undisturbed to silly songs with my lyrics all wrong. Her favourite is Hush Little Baby where i changed all the gifts to anything 3 syllabus (chocolate cake, apple pie, lemon tart, something nice). When she's not sleeping or nursing she would stare wide-eyed and smile, and at that moment, you know that you are everything in the world to her.

3) Take a bathe together
Our little water baby loves the water. She would squeal and kick hard, splashing water everywhere. Such a joy to cuddle in the water.

4) Dream blissfully about how she would turn out
We both agree that she loves music and would be a world class doctor.

5) Be the number 1 coolest thing on earth
Her wide eyed stares, her smile as i walked into the room, her lovely lovely laughter when we perform silly antics, the warmth it brings when she leans her little head on my shoulder and how we snuggle up together in the nights... these are the really special things that i will hold close to my heart always.

Thank God for our lovely lovely little sweetheart.

We ♥ camping

These days we spend more time sleeping on the living room floor then the Serta mattress we poured our life savings into. It just seems like the most natural and easiest thing to do when the baby needs to feed for prolonged periods at night. Momma gets to watch the telly as Shanah feeds and Papa doesn't have to entertain me because well, the telly program does the job. Everyone is happy. Or like Isaiah likes to say, when momma is happy, everyone is happy.

And then when I wake up at 3 or so for a feed, I can easily go about doing my business while everyone else sleeps soundly. I get to fold the clothes, pack the house, fill the water and do other household chores without screaming 'shannaaahhh mummmy's hereee!' every 5 minutes. I don't think our neighbours have a very good impression of me.

How life changes when you have a kid. Not every change is nice, dainty and sweet smelling like the baby but we embrace them all cos we are addicted to smelling her and watching her coo. I absolutely cannot resist showering her with kisses all the time. And when she smiles her special morning smile for mummy, my heart just melts.

Just last week, I placed Shanah on the bed next to me. Not too long after, she started to poo big time. I swiftly carried her for a diaper change. Unfortunately, the poo was (always) faster than me and our lovely clean sheet was adorned with a nice sweet-smelling circular stain.

Baby poo as i have learnt, is best cleaned when it's fresh. When it's kept too long, the stain gets stuck to the cloth and the poo turns colours, including luminous green. Very gross.

Anyway, after I was done with the clean-up, i happily placed the baby on the other side of the side of the bed, where she proceeded to spit/puke up her milk. Entirely my fault that she puked as she was fussing and i refused to get up to burp her. So well, we now have both sides of the biiggg bed stained with two huge circles and nowhere for us to lie. We proceeded to the hall, back to our trusty mattress and the telly, where we both watched ANTM cycle 16 marathon from 11am to 7pm. Bliss :)

He's my daddy

These days most conversations with friends would often include questions about daddy's involvement in caring for the little one. It's normal, considering the fact that we are still living in a rather patriarchal society. But thankfully for me, I married a super dad, whose talents includes diaper changing, bottle feeding, massaging and toilet cleaning. Come to think of it, my dad is a super grand-dad too - with all his visits and yummy dinners.

Here's seven reasons why Isaiah rocks our socks off:

7) He saw my insides spill on the table and didn't squrim

Childbirth can be rather revealing - of the placenta and other bloody stuff that is. First we wait 40 weeks for the child to come, then we wait for the cervix to dilate, then we push the baby out and finally all the bloody stuff comes out. Not a very good sight. But this champion here saw everything and didn't squirm or faint. In fact, he even wanted to take a picture of it. Thankfully he didn't.

6) He woke up for all the night feeds in the first month even when he didn't have to 

Thus far Shanah has been exclusively latched on, which means to say Daddy doesn't really have much of a job in the feeding department. In those first weeks where things were a complete blur (both because we didn't know what to do and were really lacking sleep), Isaiah woke up along side me to keep to company for night feeds. He rocked her to sleep after i'm done feeding and when she starts screaming. He changed her diapers, hoping to wake up her to drink more milk, while i rest in bed. And he walked her around the house for hours at end in the wee hours of the morning.

5) He willingly cleans all the toilets in the house and does it without fail most of the time. 

A mutual friend once asked why I was against the idea of having a part time cleaner come by. I don't like our weekends being confined to waiting around for our house to be cleaned up. Plus, I can do the housework, it's exercise for me since my gym membership is non-existent now. My record time for cleaning the entire house is 45 minutes. I can even add polishing the parquet to my list of abilities.. i just can't do the toilets. In comes my lovely husband who scrubs the loo down to a T and says he's the expert in it :)

4) On weekends, he takes over the diaper duty and does it with minimal squirming. 

When momma gets lazy and daddy gets moving to let momma sleep in for the extra 5 minutes.

3) He cleans Shanah up for bed despite her screaming into his face sometimes. 

Shanah gets fussy at night. After sometime we figured that it's prolly because she's over tired. So when daddy starts the night routine of getting her cleaned and dressed for bed, she sometimes screams non stop and kicks her legs in fury. Despite a whole day at work fighting his own battles, daddy patiently calms Shanah down and cleans her up so that momma gets sometime to clean herself up.

2) He gives momma time to bathe her luxurious 15 minutes bathe while he tries ways and ends to calm the grumpy baby. After that momma sometimes get a feet massage while she feeds the baby

Refer to point no. 3

1) Most of all, he loves the ladies in the house very very much. 

I know you loves us so very much. Thank God for you :)

The simplicity of things

One thing i wished i had done when i was pregnant with Shanah was to blog about being preggies. In fact, the pregnancy was the main reason for the initial hiatus - i was really grumpy. Add on nausea, worries and even more worries, it just wasn't very fun to be around me. No prizes for guessing who bore the brutal end of the brunt.

Motherhood is teaching me to slow down (except for the housework bit). I can't hurry her along and make her grow faster, neither can i will her to learn how to sit up and play by herself. But one thing i can sure do is to enjoy the precious moments. I love watching her sleep, not because it's all quiet and mommy gets to continue her floor cleaning project she started 3 hours ago, but because it's in these moments that i feel my heart bursting with so much joy, love and gratitude, for such a beautiful gift from God.

There are different seasons in life. Some seasons are for working our butts off while others are for celebrating and spending a hefty sum of money getting married. I think my season right now is to slow down and enjoy watching my little girl grow. These days i wake up to a gentle smack in the face from Shanah followed by smiles and giggles from her. I think it's the best way to wake up :)



There is a certain simplicity and joy in enjoying the moments where we are in right now. Sometimes we get too caught up wondering about the what ifs that we forget to enjoy what we have in our hands and to make the most out of it. For starters, where i do get preggies with no. 2, i'm gonna enjoy being preggies and actually write about it so i'll remember how nimble my body was when i'm eighty. But till then, I'll just spend more time staring at the little one as she wraps her little palm around my finger.

 

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

it's been quite awhile, about 9 months to be exact

We have lots of things up our sleeves in the past 9 + 3 months. Most of it involves me looking like an elephant and swaddling around like a duck. In recent days, my slimmer self has semi-returned and most of our time is spent staring at a pint size princess that looks like this:

Welcome Shanah Lucy Das, our (almost) 3-month-old champion. I'm not too sure if I've seen anything lovelier, cuter and more beautiful than this awesome gift from God.

Now that my house is in a considerable mess and I've come to terms with it, I figured that we should start once again to talk about our daily life and the wonders that surround it. How far we have come since the days where we prepared for the wedding and lived our lives as 2 people conquering the world. Life does get better, we are trusting on it! 

Shanah's Baby Dedication!

Today was Shanah's baby dedication :)

It was just a simple act of coming in front of the church and being prayed for by the Elders and Leaders of the Church, but it was a reminder to us that God made us to be part of a family. Everyone is important, everyone has their place.

If you are someone who doesn't feel like you "fit in" in your Christian community, just know that God wants you to be part of His family. It isn't about one church or another, but you are part of God's family. And just as He gave us natural parents, so too He wants us taken care of and part of one local church family. It takes time, it takes effort - just like any human relationship.

We are all Christians - but we are not Christ Himself - none of us are perfect. So let's make room for mistakes, for different, for any other labels there are...cos at the end of the day - God loves us, more than we as parents love Shanah (and we oh so love love her!)...BUT GOD loves us way way more, in terms that go beyond human understanding.

Just experience and accept :)

She's so beautiful

"When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are"

The lyrics are exactly what I think of her :)

Shanah Lucy Das is officially 19 days old today! It's been an absolutely amazing journey and experience! Crazily messy, sometimes dirty, sometimes unsure - but in the chaos, there's a simple joy knowing that every moment Matz and I have with her is unique.

So thank God so far, thank you everyone :)

hello little one ♥

Hello little Shanah Lucy. We're all really excited for you to come so that we can count the number of tiny toes and fingers, kiss your chubby cheeks and smell the sole of your lovely baby feet.

But till then, I'll just have fun carrying you wherever I go. You are getting heavier by the day, but it's so nice to know that you'll always close to my heart ♥